DATE FROM HELL!

Playing the dating game can be very risky, you know, with all the dating apps people use these days. First dates can be nerve wrecking especially because you never really know who you are about to go out with and if you’ve also heard dating horror stories like the one am about to tell you. See ,I don’t think anyone exists who has not had a good bad date story at some point. I’ve had a fair share of bad dates myself, So grab a strong drink and revel in my misfortune. Laughing is allowed, don’t shy away.

I met this guy online, yes,online, lol. He had hit my inbox,so first I stalked his profile .wait , every girl does this,right? Like when someone in boxes/ DMS you,you first check there profile and from there you know whether or not you’ll reply. Well,I did that, and something caught my eye. He was an advocate, as per his job prescription and his wall was full of political/law/leadership stuff. Well,am studying law so this seemed interesting. I texted back, we exchanged numbers. We started talking and texting then after some time, he asked me out on a date. I agreed, I mean,free food,wine and conversation never killed anyone.

He was to pick me up at 7:30 pm on a Friday ,in his ‘ride’. So at exactly 7:30 pm,he was outside the gate of where I stayed and he calls me. I wasn’t ready though because I was indecisive on what to wear.(girl problems). I told him to give me 15 more minutes of which he agreed. It never occurred to me that it had pissed him off ,that’s until I went down to meet him. He was obviously pissed,it showed all over his face,I mean,he couldn’t even conceal it. I noticed other things too,like,the pictures he had sent me and those on his social media didnt accurately reflect the way he looked.(Hey ,I don’t judge people by the way they look).He was very short so when we hugged,his face went directly into my chest. No problem….. except he wouldn’t let go,he just kept his face there.

We got into the car and drove off. He didnt ask me where I preferred to go because ,apparently, he wanted to take me to this one place off Kiambu road. His driving was so wreck less,I mean REALLY bad. He drove like he was running from the police, then stopped at some place and made me wait in the car for 15 minutes. Mmmh! He comes back,no apology he just starts driving. I was glad when we reached our destination in one piece. It was some club whose name I won’t mention because I have nothing good to say about it. First of all, who takes a girl to a first date in a club. To make matters worse,the DJ was playing filthy music,the place was full of old people, trust me,one could easily confuse it for a home for the elderly, no offense. I just kept cool,or as the millennial say, I ‘maintained’ because I didn’t want to seem rude.

He asked me what i wanted to drink and i said wine . Then he’s like, “why not whisky, you should drink whisky blah blah” ,he insisted and insisted but i stuck to wine. He ordered beers for himself. At some point ,the waitress confused orders and he was very rude. He shouted at her,embarrassing her and created a whole unnecessary scene. I tried to calm him down and he said I reminded him of his mother….like it was a good thing.(rolls eyes” .He was one arrogant man with an ego the size of Russia. He wore dark sunglasses throughout the entire date and talked about himself the entire time. He kept interrupting me ,so rude! Then ,after 20 excruciating minutes of his endless self praise and his love for reptiles ,he starts torturing me with stupid/awkward questions like, ” so,do you like sex?” “Can you have sex on a first date?” like seriously? Ooh ,wait for it,he started being touchy while pretending to be drunk .Dude?! Which man gets drunk after 2 sips of tusker cider, wait, are men even allowed to take Tusker cider. My dear people, I have seen things….’sighs’

At this point ,I was so done with him. I needed to be far more drunk for this shit so I chugged that wine like no one business. I got tipsy, just enough to deal with him. I had lost my patience and I was PISSED, I could no longer maintain. So when he tried to touch me again, I slapped his hand off so hard. I gave him a piece of my mind, I was like “I’ve had enough, I don’t like you ,I don’t like this place and I’m off.” I grabbed my purse, stormed out,(just like in the movies) I called a cab ,left and I’ve never spoken to him again.

Some dates can make you want to be a nun. Am sure some of you have had it worse than me though,,let’s share in the comments!

Randomthoughts ..