“THE PROPER WOMAN?”

I was having dinner with this guy I was kind of going out with and we were talking about women empowerment and he made some chauvinistic comment I didn’t like at all. He said that we women of “nowadays,(whatever that means) ,once we get an education and a job,we think we are superior than men not knowing that we won’t get husbands because of it. Wow! Ever heard anything more shallow or chauvinistic? Before I go on, I’m sure it would please you to know that I am not seeing him anymore!

Anyway, who told people that women’s ultimate goal is to get a husband? Is it written anywhere that getting married is an achievement? Before we continue,I’d like to share something with you. I talked to two ladies on their views on marriage and this is what they had to say;Lets start with CLAIRE ;;

“In my point of view,I think marriage is important but not a necessity,for a balance of nature one needs a companion,a soul mate ,your soul mate can be a man or a woman .a husband is not that of a necessity since you can choose one who will drain your ass out and make your life a living hell ,I don’t think having a husband is all that important but getting a soulmate who you can travel the world with and achieve your dreams together is all that matters

Then finally I talked to MAUREEN GACHERI and these were her sentiments ;

“Well, I think I want a family, but marriage to me is Not really a priority. But I don’t really wanna be alone, like I want someone to gossip my kids with, even if he is just the father of my kids and we not married . I think a child would complete me more than a husband.”

I am so over chauvinistic comments and all the unrealistic expectations placed on the shoulders of a modern woman. Its like a woman can’t even have some little fun anymore,drink,smoke or go out in peace because of some shallow souls out here who are always going on about how,” a woman who drinks,smokes or goes out will never get a husband?? Really?? First of all, why do we view marriage as a podium of success where a woman gets a trophy to validate how “woman enough” she is. Why do we look at marriage as an award to declare how successful a woman is? This is very backward and primitive. A proper woman in the African tradition has always been imagined within the context of the family. She is expected to accept marriage and have children because marriage is assumed to be the end goal for most African women. The only thing she is supposed to be concerned about is her family and children,nothing more. She is not supposed to be too educated and if she is,the is not “African enough” RIDICULOUS!

I’ve seen instances where some tribes men advice their sons not to marry a woman who is too educated,a woman who is woke! Simply because the educated/woke woman is less susceptible to manipulation is ‘hard headed’ and would “sit” on the man. This does not make sense. Personally,I believe that a man who has a secure sense of masculinity has no issues going for a woman who is more educated, a woman who earns more, a woman who is empowered.

To a woke modern woman, a husband is just a bonus and I’d like to reiterate the fact that,For some of us, getting a husband/marriage is not the ultimate goal in life! We want to get our PhDs, travel the world and have fun while at it. STAY WOKE ladies. Lets continue the discussion in the comment section ,thank you.

Randomthoughts โค

18 comments

  1. From a man`s point of view, it seem to make sense to chose a less educated (but not stupid) woman.
    The higher the level of your education and income, the smaller the chance to find a partner. This rule is applicable in Europe as well.
    Men love to be admired and to be superior. They are still looking for a wife who is focused on building a nest. Possibly, they prefer women who are emotionally and economically dependent on them.
    A self confident, independent and ambitious woman is too challenging. I was told that I am very attractive, exciting and warm-hearted etc. but I might be difficult in a partnership because you/he needs to negotiate with me, and compromises will be required.
    In fact, men still expect that the woman put her targets and engagement on hold. Often children are regarded as a good excuse…and their higher income. In Germany, we still do not have equal pay. Women earn about 20-30% less money than men in same positions with same qualification….and of course, women have to face the glass ceiling.
    A survey about the preferred profile of women showed that men feel attracted by nurses (most popular), kindergarten teachers, school teachers, etc.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Damn! This is a serious issue. Women need some support of their male colleagues. We need to know their salaries. Otherwise it is always intelligent guessing in salary negotiations…that`s like driving while using the breaks same time.

      Liked by 2 people

    • My pleasure. It seems to be a global phenomena. My female colleagues in Japan are telling the same stories. They say: Be smart, act play stupidly.

      Like

    • PS: By the way, as smart, educated, self confident and successful woman, you are 1st choice for escapades bcs men feel easily bored by their less demanding wives.
      Escapades are no cup of tea for me but as frequent business traveler, you definitely get a lot of offers. I am so much disenchanted by men. Firstly, they are telling you about their beloved families (showing photos etc.) and you think of them very positively and then… these nice-guys offer you a one-night stand. It is just the opportunity…and I do not flirt and I am no trophy woman at all.

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    • Hi Weiss-Nix, Why are you telling SimplyTrizah she is a first choice for male escapades just because she doesn’t want to be married? “Wives” are not unchallenging “less demanding” human beings by comparison, just as single women are not toys for men.
      Your advice is suspect to say the least.

      Like

    • btw, Weiss-Nix, how about don’t define yourself by men at all or by other women? Then you just might attract your real friend(s) and mate (should you want one.) My husband was my friend for years before I allowed him closer. He doesn’t look for easy. He doesn’t cheat. He doesn’t want dumb or unchallenging. He doesn’t need a woman without her own money to show himself better. Yeah I had to tell him not to trophy me… but he learned that respect. Just saying.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh, dear, he came to the right woman with that remark, did he not? ๐Ÿ˜€

    My husband has a lower education than me, but he earned more money โ€ฆ ๐Ÿ˜‰ โ€ฆ anyway, he is “man” enough to not give a hoot about it. I get more pension than him now ๐Ÿ˜‰ We don’t really care, because all money goes into one pot.

    I think it is great if one finds one’s soulmate, and I am not adverse to marriage, but to marry just to have “a” husband was never my goal. In my first marriage I got to the point where I felt I would be better off without him, and I was โ€ฆ ๐Ÿ˜‰

    I think I agree with Claire โ€ฆ ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

  3. A marriage should not validate anyone. You are first a woman before you are a wife.Nobody should think that being oneself is wrong. And definitely nobody should tag a time line for one to get married.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I never thought I wanted to get married but after knowing my best friend and lover for 16 years we finally realized we were gonna be there for each other no matter what. We’ve been married 6 years now. (22 years is older than you are!) We grew and changed and at times it was hard being in relationship, but it was worth it for me.
    If you ever decide to do it, don’t allow anyone else to define what marriage means for you both. Make it your own. And if you never do want to marry, there is nothing wrong with you as a woman. Thanks for your forum!

    Like

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