Let’s just get right into it. I really want to talk about ‘victim shaming/victim blaming. ‘ What does this mean to you? Ok, so basically, its when victims of crimes or tragedies are held accountable and blamed for what happened to them. This is so prevalent in matters of gender based violence, especially rape. A man or lady will come out claiming they have been assaulted and the first reaction from society will be “Why did you agree to meet him” “Why did you wear that short dress?” “Why did you walk in the dark” “Why did you lead them on” ” Why did you get drunk? ” I am so sick and tired of this kind of stuff, the lack of empathy scares me to the core!! As an african woman , living in a not so safe country, it scares me alot!

Some time back, a young lady was thrown from the 12th floor of a building by a man just because she refused his sexual advances. Apparently, this guy had bought her chicken, chips and a bottle of brandy so he felt like the girl should sleep with her because of that and he wasnt very happy when she declined. What kind of entitlement is this? This is not the 15th century ! It became a country wide topic on all social media platforms.A few days later, some presenters from a local radio on the morning show were talking about this incident. They went on about how Kenyan girls are too loose and thats why they keep getting abused. They said girls should stop being too available and not go to dates because they will be abused! Not one moment did they criticize predatory men or even warn them at all. They pushed all the blame to the girls.

This caused an uproar allover, especially on twitter. Women and a few guys reprimanded the presenters , tagged the radio station plus the appropriate systems to try and get justice. But then again, most guys kept gas lighting us, talking about how we are just bitter feminists who just want people to lose jobs. This apologists went right ahead and said that women just want to be superior than men and it’s not possible.

Anyway, so the 3 presenters were fired today and it got messy. It literally became a gender war. Men kept saying that women only speak up when its a woman that has been violated and that we keep silent when its a man. This is not true at all! First of all, when a man is raped or abused, all Kenyan men do is ridicule them and laugh about it. They never start conversations to defend their fellows! Never. No one has ever stopped them from starting the conversation about men abuse but they only wait until women are crying out for help for them to bring the topic up in a bid to discredit us. They are always like “ooh, It happens to men too” Which is true, Its not a competition and the fight is not between the genders, its all of us against abusers! Why dont people get it!

It happens every single time! Even when women are vocal about femicide, there’s always that one imbicile who’ll fetch a “woman kills man” article from the dailies and post it here with “HOw CoMe No OnE iS tAlKiNg AbOuT ThiS?” It is infuriating! Some men keep saying they do not know what consent means, they even say that withdrawing consent in the middle of the act does not make sense. We like to infantilize men to whitewash their violence. Everyday teach men this, teach men that. I mean, you understand how planes are built but it’s consent you’re struggling with? Nonsense

But you know, today we girlies had a win. Those rape apologists actually faced the consequences of their words. It’s small, but its actually a start! Girlies are speaking up and Im so happy. Baby girl,talk, speak out, even if your voice trembles, speak up! We are over here and we will listen.

From today, I will not be fixing my mouth to talk to any man about what they should and shouldn’t be doing. It’s exhausting and nothing changes. Talk amongst yourselves and stay away from us.

One more thing, If rape and gender based violence is not an absolute for you, we can’t be friends. There is absolutely no gray area. There is no reason where it can reasonable or explainable. None whatsoever.

Anyway, Girlies are moving .


  1. Impressive!!Usually I never comment on blogs but your article is so convincing that I never stop myself to say something about it. You’re doing a great job,Keep it up.


  2. This is a very important article, Trizah. The argument “it happens to men too”, what is that supposed to mean, so if it happens to men too, then it must be acceptable? Do we really have to go back to times, when the whole family came along on a date?
    The general attitude you are describing is also present in Europe. The worst is when women blame the women …


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