MARRIAGE IS AN EXTREME SPORT!

Marriage is scary! Staying in marriage is an extreme sport nowadays. This institution is just not working anymore. If married couples are not cheating on their better half,they are constantly fighting and if not that,they are literally killing each other or driving each other to suicide. The number of people committing suicide because of marital problems has increased overwhelmingly. For the past few days, I’ve read stories of two women who decided to take their own lives because their spouses were cheating on them with other people. It’s really sad.

I’m always asking myself who we should blame,is it the Cheating man or the clandestine,, the cheating wife or the “ben 10?” I say blame them all! Well,unless the third party had absolutely no idea that they were dealing with a married man or woman.

There are married men/women out here who go around masquerading like bachelors and bachelorates respectively with the intent to hit on or win over other people for their own selfish reasons. They are so good at hiding their marital status ,so goood that its extremely hard to notice… I mean I should know this because I’ve fallen for such a guy before. Now before you all go “Judge Judy” on me,this is what happened.

There is this one time I met some guy in a shopping mall,lets call him J. He was in his mid thirties,and Ofcourse he didnt have a wedding ring on,or so I thought. He did everything right,well at least for the first few months. He would call like five times a day, pick me up for breakfast then drop me to school on time. He never cancelled plans on me and for a moment there I thought I had found the one. I even told my friends about but one of them was really curious about Js marital status. She didnt understand how a thirty six year old man with a well paying job was still single. She did get into my head and it disturbed me a lot so I decided to bring it up directly with him over lunch. I asked him if he was married . The answer he gave me was pretty satisfying.He was like he had not been in a hurry to get married because he had been looking for the right girl. He even said that i might actually be “the one” and to prove that he was single ,he took me to his apartment just so I can see he was a bachelor. It was a fully furnished apartment and to be honest,there was no sign of a woman in that house. Just a few pictures of himself on the wall,and some paintings. He insisted I stay over for like three days so I was totally sure that he was a bachelor and no woman would come to claim him.

I was totally convinced until the day I got “the phone call” You know which one…from the wife. I still remember all the insults that were hurled at me. I was so heartbroken especially when she sent me their wedding photos ,and a photo of their son. This is when it dawned on me. All the red flags I had seen but ignored. Like how we would only hang out on weekdays and not weekends,,,and how every time We’d spend a night together, I’d wake up in the middle of the night just to find him gone. Every time I asked him where he went that early, he always said he had to go early to work but seriously though,who goes to work at 1 am? Signs had been right in front of me but I had been too blind to see. I’m sure you are wondering about the house we always went to,well it turns out that this guy had rented that house specifically for his affairs. That is where he took all his side pieces. And ooh,it’s not work he always rushed to at midnight but to his family.Mind blowing, right? I confronted him with all these and these guy still had the audacity to deny everything.

Anyway, I’m not saying that all girls who end up up having affairs are always in the dark as to his marital status. I personally know of girls with strange fetishes and weird daddy issues whose main goal in life is to date/lure/trap married men. It is a sport to them,they love the thrill and the adrenaline rush of their being a possibility of them getting caught. All this at the expense of destroying someone’s family.

With all that said though, the bigger question will always be why a man or woman in a committed relationship as sacred as marriage would just decide to betray their partner by cheating. If things are not working,why not separate/divorce, better yet,why not opt for an open marriage. I’d love to read your views on this issue.

Randomthoughts❤

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CAMPUS IS A TRAP!

Seriously, is it just my campus life that is boring or is it like that for everyone? I’ve refused to accept the fact that campus is not all parties ,freedom and fun as people have always made it out to be. I thought it would be like in campus TV shows, but it is nothing like that, not even close, or maybe it’s my school that is just not fun.

My younger brother finished high school last year and he was so excited, even more than I was. He didn’t give us breathing space, but to be fair, his highschool experience was hell so I kind of get why he was so ecstatic. He wanted to join campus so bad. He couldn’t wait. I’m his mind, he had pictured University as a heaven of some sort and I had to give him a reality check. Let’s get right into it..

So, let’s be honest, most people are thrilled on the idea of joining campus because of the freedom that comes with it. Personally, throughout my highschool life, I never had any freedom whatsoever. No sleepovers, no night outs, no day outs,not even night vigils people! I couldn’t even go to church at night! CHURCH! My parents were (they still are) very strict and my dad would call me to pass him the television remote every five minutes just to make sure I was around. I craved freedom and oh, I got it when I joined campus but the excitement was short lived. Believe me, too much freedom is boring. you’ll eventually get tired of being able to do whatever or go wherever without anyone trying to stop you. I kind of miss restrictions, that is where the thrill is. I mean, if I want to do something like go out at night and their is no one to try and stop me, what’s the point really? What is the point. I’d rather just sleep in then. Plus too much freedom can be dangerous too if you can’t control yourself, you may end up messing up, big time.

We were all told how campus life is easy, how you can do whatever you want and get away with it, how you don’t have to attend classes or even write notes but what they forget to tell us is that their is a catch! It’s a trap. OK fine, yes you can carry your phone to class (but keep it silent and don’t use it when a lecture is on going ). What’s the point, you can as well just leave it home.

You can bunk classes, no one will stop you(but make sure your attendance is at 75%) In as much as no one will stop you if you want to miss classes, you will sure as hell pay for it so just go to school dear!

You can choose not to study at all,fine (but just as long as you pass.) You obviously cannot pass without studying so this is not even an option at all.

If you ask me, my highschool was much better than my campus life, way more fun especially because of all courses, I decided to take up law. Here there are no choices, it’s either you study or you study, period. You can’t even go out in peace and have fun because the many assignments. I’m not trying to scare anyone though,campus is fun yes, but it’s not all that, their is just as much reading as in highschool, if not more.

How was your campus experience, let’s share in the comment section.

Randomthoughts ❤

BABIES!

Is the whole ‘your maternal instinct will kick in one day’ thing real?

I ask this as a 21 year old female who absolutely does not want children. Not now, not ever. Its not just that Im afraid of babies and quitely hate it when people try to hand me their little babies to hold.I honestly never know what to do with babies and I’m always very awkward around them. By the way I’m kind of repulsed by the idea of something growing inside me, I don’t know why.

When I imagine my future, I never see myself with children or grandchildren,maybe just a husband.Every time I say this to people all they do is give me weird looks and say ‘wait until your maternal instincts kick in. ‘ and also ask “who will take care of you when you are old? “ Everyone tries to make me feel as if there is something wrong with me because I do not want to have kids. Its also seen as something selfish but I see it as being responsible. See, having children is a huge commitment and if you don’t feel you want them, you’re a better person for not having them.

Just today, I asked a very close friend of mine (hey Angie..) if she would like to have babies in the future and her anseer was an undisputed yes. Then I asked her why and she tells me she only wants to have babies because people have babies and it’s what is supposed to happen. Wow, I laughed hard, we both did. There is nothing wrong with her answer, I mean, isnt that why most people want to have babies,so they can multiply and fill the world? Come on, isnt the world full yet? Im sorry but I think that is kind of twisted.

Its not bad to want babies, its a really nice thing. Just let your reason for wanting one be more than just the need to fill the world.

Some people will just never want kids though, its not a big deal. I feel really privileged to be living somewhere where motherhood is a choice and not just the default.

what are your views on this baby issue.Lets share in the comment section.

Randomthoughts ❤

2018 IN A NUTSHELL!

2018!*sighs* It has been a crazy one,an emotional rollercoaster full of ups and downs. This has been the toughest year yet, for me, I don’t know about you. Lets review my year bit by bit, grab a strong drink ,most probably a vodka!

First, let’s talk about my 2018 RESOLUTIONS. For most people, if not all, the advent of a new year means big promises to take big steps towards achieving dreams, or changing some aspects of our lives. Eleven months earlier I had scribbled out a list of goals for 2018, one of which was penned in bold at the very top:SOBRIETY! I wanted to stop drinking in 2018, to become sober, but whooa,it only became worse. Honestly, I don’t even think I tried to stop. It totally skipped my mind until a few days ago and now I’m totally rethinking this whole resolution thing. I mean, what is the point really? New year’s resolutions become faint memories as soon the festivities are over anyway.

Now on to the kind of RELATIONSHIPS I’ve had this year. Oh God! I’ve attracted the most toxic human beings this year. It’s like I have a high affinity to toxic people. I’m literally a magnet that keeps attracting toxic people . To be fair, I do have some toxic traits too, maybe to someone, I am the toxic one but still! Anyway, I’ve lost friends this year, many and it was partly my fault and it’s OK. And oh, I’ve been an emotional mess, actually cried the most this year,trust me,the tears I have she’d are enough to last me a lifetime,and it is OK.

SCHOOL!! Whooah,it has been tough this year. I think law school is another name for hell, seriously. This year, many things haven’t worked out academically, for a minute their, it had me doubting my potential,if I’d really make it through law school, If I’m smart enough for this career. Too many ‘ifs’right? I just hope it gets better next year.

Enough of the pity party! 2018 hasn’t been all bad. There were really good moments, I met some really nice people too and made new friends. I actually went for my first ever road trip with some really cool friends from my school. It was great! I actually think this is the highlight of my 2018.We visited so many beautiful places and it was mad fun. I’ll actually make a separate blog post for it soon. Below are some of the pictures from the trip.

Isn’t it crazy how we can look back a year ago and realize how much everything has changed? The amount of people that have left your life, entered, and stayed. The memories you won’t forget and the moments you wish you did. It’s crazy how all that happened in just a year. Personally, I don’t regret anything that has happened in 2018 because I’ve learned so many valuable lessons that have helped me grow. I’ve been knocked down so many times but I woke up each time, dusted off and moved on! I’ve learnt from my mistakes and bad choices,and most of all, I’ve learnt that tough times do not last forever and that it gets better. Maybe 2018 has been cruel at some point but 2019 is here, a chance to make it right, an opportunity to work on your dreams. Cheers to 2018! A year of lessons and growth!

I want to appreciate all of you my lovely readers. You are my motivation and I pray we all achieve our dreams come 2019. HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

What are some of your 2018 highlights? Let’s share in the comment section.

Randomthoughts ❤

MONEY OR PASSION?

Money or passion?

This is one of those seemingly endless questions everyone is asking these days.

I can definitely relate to this. I began growing up a passion for writing at a very young age,and I wanted to take up literature as a major in college because that is where my heart was,and still is…..but i didn’t. My parents were not for the idea. They didnt think writing would sustain me in life,put food on my table and pay bills. I remember my dad asking me, ” Assuming your career as an author takes off, how sure are you that your books will sell? What if no one wants to buy or read them? What will be your exit plan?” Ouch, those words were hurtful and discouraging but i knew they were coming from a place of love and concern. So I ended up in law school.Anyway, we are not here to talk about me so let’s just get right into today’s topic.

Getting paid for doing what you love, that’s the dream right? Well the situation is actually a little more complicated than that. Can you make a living doing what you love? Yes…and no. Let’s be honest, not every passion or every dream or everything you love to do has profit potential. Some dreams and some hobbies make lousy businesses, pardon my sarcasm. Sometimes i tend to think that, DO WHAT YOU LOVE is bad advice. If some of us were to do what we love, we’d just stay in bed,eat popcorn, Netflix and chill. Are we really sure that the best thing to do with passion is attempt to monetize it ? Why assume it is easier to turn passion into money than it is to turn money into passion? Do me a favour, please think about a passion you have then apply this test: WILL PEOPLE PAY YOU TO DO IT?

There are those who strongly believe that it is more important to follow passion first, no matter where it leads. To them money is not important, its not everything, it cannot buy happiness, they say. I respect that because at the end of the day, Choosing whether to chase a career because of money or passion is completely an individual choice and no one can take that away. We’ve all at some point seen a movie ,whereby there is this rich guy with all the luxuries in life but apparently he’s unhappy because he hates his job. So he leaves his multi million empire, goes to some island to fish(his passion) and now he is poorer but happier with a wonderful partner who is a perfect much…. wow. Let’s not forget that this is just fiction. We are in the 21st century, the economy is at its worst, and in as much as MONEY MAY NOT BUY HAPPINESS, IT IS VERY NECESSARY! And by the way, about money not buying happiness, it is debatable.

It is more practical to choose money then take up passion once one is comfortable with money and can afford a good living. If you work for money now, you will generally be in a better position to pursue your passion later on with no financial stress. Imagine being able to paint,sing or write and not worry about how to pay rent, this is my dream, reader, and maybe yours too..

What did you consider when choosing a career? What advice would you give to someone, Money or passion? Let’s share.

Randomthoughts ❤

TRAPPED?

“The grave yard is full of women who were told, ” just hold on he might change” “give him another chance”

The story below has been shared with the consent of those involved.

A few days ago, while in town running some few errands for my mum I ran into an old friend, a childhood friend.She is one hell of a talker so she went right into it,the village gossip and as she was talking,I noticed some bruises on her lower chin and neck. It was like she had been scratched by something,most probably nails,human nails just in case you are wondering. They were very conspicuous and her being a light skin didn’t help the situation. It really bothered me and for a minute there,I wanted to let it slide and just mind my own business, but no, I had to ask her and I did.

I asked her what had happened,and she answered me in Swahili, ” si ni chali yangu ndio alinipiga.” meaning,”its my boyfriend who did this to me.” I was surprised,and you know,she said it so casually,like it was a normal/usual thing and this shocked me even more. I asked her why she can’t walk out of the relationship and she told me something that has kept me thinking for quite some time.

“DONT TELL ME HOW EASY IT IS TO WALK OUT OF AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP IF YOUVE NEVER BEEN IN ONE..…” These were her exact words.

Now, can someone in an abusive relationship just wake up one day and decide to leave? I don’t think it’s easy at all. When you are outside looking in, it seems so easy and that’s why every time we see a friend,a neighbour or even a colleague in an abusive relationship, the first thing we ask is ,”CANT SHE JUST LEAVE? CANT SHE JUST WALK AWAY AND LEAVE IT ALL BEHIND” Well, its not as easy as that,not even close. Ever thought that maybe they want to leave but they just cant?

Before we go any further let me clarify something. When i say abusive relationship, I’m not only referring to the physical abuse but also to verbal and emotional abuse because they are just as damaging. I mean,just because a person doesn’t put hands on you, that doesn’t mean they aren’t abusive. Abuse is control, blatant disrespect and also hurtful words. Don’t settle for emotional abuse thinking it’s ok because it’s not physical.

I think my friends words about leaving abusive relationships have made me look at this issue in a very different perspective and I think I kind of have an idea as to why people stay longer than they should in such relationships, and why it’s so hard to just wake up and leave. First,it’s really heartbreaking when someone you love and who claims to love you in equal measure disrespects you to the extent of laying a hand on you, insulting you and,or blackmailing you emotionally. This is the worst kind of betrayal. It hurts to watch something you love transform into something you should hate. Most victims just sit there in denial and wait for it to return to its original state as they ignore the fact that maybe their abuser will never change.

By the time the victim realizes that their abuser will never change, its always too late and at this point,the damage is already done. Ones self esteem,self confidence and self love is totally shuttered such that leaving becomes almost impossible and one finds himself/herself trapped in a web of abuse. The victim feels worthless, and afraid that if they leave the “relationship”, no one else would want or love them. It then becomes easier for the abuser to control and manipulate them because he/she knows they wont leave.We have all seen or heard what abusive relationships can do to someone. To be honest, I used to think that people in abusive relationships stayed because they wanted to but now I know it’s not their fault that they are trapped.

I just want to reach out to anyone out there who is stuck in an abusive relationship and trying to figure out how to break free. I know it is soo hard,,,I cant even begin to imagine or pretend to know how hard it is, BUT it is not impossible. Sometimes we refuse to see how bad something is until it completely destroys us. Please stop telling yourself that you can fix him. You can never save someone by letting them destroy you. Save yourself instead and get out while there is still time. It’s better to break your own heart by leaving an abusive relationship rather than having that person break your heart everyday.

Darling,you are allowed to terminate toxic/abusive relationships. You are allowed to walk away and take care of yourself. Welcome to the rest of your life and hopefully your next one will treat you a million times better. Sending so much love your way right now.

Ever been in an abusive relationship? Lets share in the comments.

Randomthoughts❤

HONEY, LOVE YOURSELF FIRST..

“You see you had a lot of crooks try to steal your heart, Never really had luck, couldn’t never figure out how to love. See you had a lot of moments that didnt last forever. Now you in this corner tryna put it together ,how to love. “

LIL WAYNE

Listened to this song again,‘HOW TO LOVE” by LIL WAYNE today and it got me thinking why we have so many years of education and yet nobody ever taught us how to love ourselves and why it’s so important. Ever thought about that? Maybe it is just not in society’s best interest to teach us to love ourselves but rather to tell us what we deserve. This is because when we start to love ourselves we would know that we deserve more and would advocate for better. We wouldn’t put up with abusive relationships, toxic friends who constantly put us down and please allow me to throw trashy TV shows and over cooked spinach in there. When we learn to love ourselves, we become fearless individuals but no, society doesn’t need that. All it needs is a people who are broken from the inside and fit into the system without making trouble.

Personally, I never learned how to love myself at an early age and I wish I did. To be honest I suffered from low self esteem for a very long time. I just didn’t think I was good enough,smart or pretty enough. I constantly wanted to be like other people. This caused a strain on both my personal and social life. I had myself convinced that if I had a solid group of best friends and a boyfriend then I was worth something. I ended up attracting toxic friends and abusive men in my life who preyed on my insecurities. All this broke me and it made me think that I didnt deserve to be treated right.

It took me 5 years to learn that I have to be the one to love myself and to really understand the importance of it. I wasn’t going to sit around waiting for someone to teach me. I had to do it myself by putting myself first ,my happiness,goals and dreams before anything else. I became more confident in my body, skin and colour and trust me,things got better and my life got on track again.

DON’T EVER PUT YOURSELF DOWN AND NEVER EVER LET ANYONE PUT YOU DOWN. You are beautiful just the way you are and believe me that body is perfect. I know how hard it is to feel confident and good enough but it is possible. No one can love you better than you darling and no one is ever going to teach you that. You’ll have to do it yourself. There is nothing better than a man or woman who walks with confidence knowing that they are good enough and that they deserve the very best life has to offer.what if you simply devoted this year to loving yourself more?

Ever struggled with Self esteem issues? Let’s share in the comment section.

Randomthoughts ❤

TWO LEFT FEET..

There are certain things in this world that i am good at. Hell,even great at. I am a good cook. I like to think I’m alright at putting outfits together. I can paint my nails really well and i don’t even care if that doesn’t count because MAN ALIVE have i seen some car-crash manicures in my time.

One thing i am totally,utterly and unbelievably terrible at is dancing. I have two left feet. It’s kind of strange because almost everyone in my family can dance and most of my close friends have really good moves.Many people have tried to teach me some few moves,most recently my younger brother but I just don’t get it. I have no rhythm ,I literally just do step-and-jump. This has earned me a nickname “stiff Trizah” Dancing is so hard, like how do y’all even do that? Sorcery? Most people never believe me when i tell them that i can’t dance,because I apparently “look like I can dance” well,at least I have “the look”right?

It gets awkward when I attend social events and most especially in clubs. When everyone is busy dancing,you know,dropping and picking it (get it? ) I am always just there,and on my phone. But when I have a drink ,something magical/terrible happens. A friend of mine once took a video of me dancing in the club and showed it to me later on when I was sober. *sighs* It was crazy. Picture this; All my limbs want to extend at right angles and windmill around,much to the detriment of anyone in the vicinity. My hands go mental. I am punching the air and kicking my legs out and not GIVING A HOOT. In the video,everyone was just staring at me like I was demented. It was then that I realized that I committed crimes against dancing.

I refuse to think that maybe i am ‘BEAT DEAF’, a brand new disability which can be defined as the inability to coordinate your movement with something or a beat you hear. Scientists do believe that it’s the reason why some of us can’t really dance. They say we all have a little dancer in us ,but mine is a really,really tiny one.Anyway, I’ve been thinking about taking dance classes, especially salsa and tango. I’ll give it a shot ,this girl ain’t going down without a fight.

So,are you a bad dancer like me? Or,is there something you are really terrible at but you are willing to learn? Lets share in the comments.

Randomthoughts❤

HAPPILY NEVER AFTER?

Hallo my lovely readers, Before we get into today’s topic,allow me to pass a message to someone,or to some people,just in case it’s a cavern of witches.

SOO,WHOEVER DID VOODOO ON MY LOVE LIFE CAN CHILL NOW.I HAVE LEARNED MY LESSON!!

There,,we can now go on. When most people say their love life sucks,they say it with a disappointed or self deprecating tone. Consider my tone matter-of-fact. It is what it is;my love life is a hot mess.

As a little girl, i loved watching animated fairy tales like Cinderella and Rapunzel. I mean,who didn’t? Cinderella was my favourite,especially the part where Prince charming brings Cinderella her glass slipper and turns her into a princess, then the white wedding at the end signaling that peak happiness has now been reached,the oh-so-sought-after happily ever after. I grew up believing that love is ‘a prince charming coming in one day to swoop me off my feet .’

For some reason, the search for “prince charming” started very young for me personally. Even at age 13-14 ,I believed that I would find that man that i was going to marry,and boy was i determined. I even made plans you know. We would tour the world together,especially France and wed take a picture at the Eiffel tower(seriously, ain’t even playing with this Eiffel thing). Anyway, I went through several relationships,starting at age 13 and going until now and i have learned an endless amount of things from them. Above all,I have learned that the “prince charming” I have dreamt about my whole life will never come.

I have been cheated and walked out on and ooh, I have also been the heartbreaker and the nightmare girlfriend. I’ve come into terms with the fact that our lives are not a movie or a perfect love story. I have realized that I will not meet a man without flaws,and one who kisses the ground i walk on. I really used to think that happily ever after was a thing, BUT now i know it only happens in fairy tales. I BADLY WANT TO BELIEVE in soulmates, true love and forever but i don’t because everyday the world makes me see that those things MAY not be real.

Let me make one thing clear though. Love and dating may not be exactly what i had dreamed of as a little girl,I may not find Prince charming or the Knight in shining armour, BUT , the Eiffel thing is so happening.

Do you believe in soulmates, fairy tales and happy endings? Let us share in the comments…

Randomthoughts❤

THE SLEEPOVER…

Hallo my lovely readers,

TRUTH: I had my first sleepover with a dude after i joined campus,and honestly? It was equal parts of exciting and awkward.

For all of my childhood/teenage life, i never hosted or attended any sleepovers. My parents were super strict and the only place i was allowed to spend a night away from home was at my grandparents place. Does that count as a sleepover? Am not so sure.

So this guy and i had been on a few dates and he one day asked me if i could sleepover. I wasn’t so sure about it,i mean,I was no where near ready to be seen looking like a ‘hot mess’ in front of him. I am not one of those girls who wakes up with great hair and cute sleepy eyes.(Is anyone? Please say no). The whole idea of sleeping over at his place freaked me out. Sure, i wanted to try it,but what if I snored?(and i think i do because my roommate says so), what if i talked in my sleep or,even worse OMG ,what if i was a sleepwalker? Anyway,I knew i couldn’t keep running away from my fears,plus,I was totally into him so i agreed to sleepover at his place.

When i got there,i was really nervous but he tried his level best to make me as comfortable as possible. By the way, I am a very shy girl and things can get really awkward on my part. Do you know that i couldn’t even eat well because i was afraid that he would maybe judge my eating habits. Is that weird? He had cooked my favourite dish and it really bites me to date that i didn’t eat much.

Since i am not an erotic blogger, I’ll skip some details…lol. Once we were ready to go to bed,he offered to give me something to sleep in. I had pictured myself looking sexy in his oversized button down, but i got his college jacket and oversized sweatpants. I am not complaining,it’s just that it wasn’t the look i was going for that night. I attempted to fall asleep and trust me,it wasn’t an easy task. It was kind of awkward because he was a cuddly sleeper but I on the other hand needed at least six inches apart.

At 6am ,i made a trip to the bathroom. Remember that scene in bridesmaid where Kristen wiigs character wakes up and does her makeup, then pretends to have woken up looking perfect? You know,”i woke up like this,FLAWLESS” (I am really hoping and praying that y’all have watched this movie). I did exactly that. I touched up my eyebrows,gargled about 2 cups of mouthwash and even put little lip gloss on,then went back to bed.

But in the morning, i realized that this guy didnt seem to care about how “perfect” i looked. He opened his eyes,smiled and kissed me,aaaww. Then something clicked, he didn’t care if i looked like a mess or barbie,he still liked me the same. I have to admit though,that i did that stupid little routine for at least a month after that first night. But finally, I started feeling more comfortable ,sleeping well and not worrying about what I’ll look like in the morning.

Am curious,how was your first sleepover experience? Lets share in the comments!

Randomthoughts❤