ADULTING: AN EXTREME SPORT

Hallo readers! It’s been a minute, sorry but I’m here now.Growing up! An extreme sport! It’s like climbing the Everest without the proper gears! You might actually freeze to death. I don’t mean to scare you but it’s true.I turned 22 a couple days ago. I’m a woman now! You know I always thought I’d have everything figured out by 22 but it’s the total opposite. Adulting is difficult! How did you all do it? I’m curious.I just wish life came with a manual or something.So let me update you on anything and everything. No filters!By the way, excuse my exclamation marks, they are there for effects.So let’s get into the mess that is my life!First up,

CAMPUS/SCHOOL/EDUCATION umm everything is working out better than I thought. I’ve complained about law school for the longest time but I’ve actually blended in . I’m comfortable and I love it. I think law is something I could actually practice. Yes it’s challenging but it’s so interesting,that is if you are a Sapio and a geek. I’ve turned into a geek. A year ago I didn’t even know which floor my schools library was but nooow, it’s my home….I practically live there….not complaining at all. I love it. Lets move to the next issue before I bore you to death with law.

FRIENDSHIP!I’ve learnt alot my darlings! Never lose a friend over petty issues…WAIT! You know what? SCRATCH THAT !!!If you have a permanent eraser use it now coz it’s an emergency!! Let me be honest.Peace of mind is the most important thing! If a friend really messes you up,forgive them but don’t let them back in. Drop them.
Be selfish , because if you don’t look out for your peace of mind, no one will.You have to realize that everyone is the center piece in their own story, so they’ll make decisions that might hurt you because you’re just another cast. You are your own center piece..Im not sure if I’m the person to be giving this advice because I’ve not been the best of friends .I’m still learning and in as much as I think friendship is important, do not acaccomodate toxic friends! Yes wish them well, let them eat BUT on their own, not on your table.Forgiiive..dont forget….just move on.But with all that said, I have a childhood friend called Gacheri, She is an amazing person. She is the true definition of girl power! Keep winning girl! A woman who holds another woman down is the prettiest . Period!

RELATIONSHIPS!Like I always say, “whoever bewitched my love life, I’ve learnt enough lessons so please raise the voodoo.” I’ve always attracted the toxic ones…I’m some kind of spark to them but I’m over it. Relationships are haaaard! It’s like an inexperienced swimmer trying to dive in salt waters (Indian ocean to be specific) It needs a risk taker, and commitment on another level. I know they say love ain’t enough but it is…..if you add commitment in the mix! Careful who you sleep next to! I still believe in love though, and the Eiffel towers ( Shad, 4 years).

ABOUT FAMILY..People! Get close to your families. At the end of the day, they are all you got. My sister and I were not as close as we are supposed to be but we’ve been talking about it and it’s getting better. I love you Nancy.Then about my younger brother Emmanuel , I love you so much. Thank you for saving my life. Ok, I don’t want this story to be one sided so I’ll tell you about it! There is this time my siblings and I got into an accident and my loving brother literally carried me to the nearest hospital in his arms! In his fucking arms (excuse my french) onlookers were there taking videos for the gram but my brother carried me to the hospital. There is a man who helped him to carry me but I dont remember him well , wherever you are , I wish Gods grace on you! THANK You for your kindness.I’d like to stop there…I could go on but I don’t want to bore you my lovely readers! One thing I can tell y’all is that life has no script!!! Live it however you see fit….we only live once so let’s make it worth it. Love your life, don’t worry about tomorrow…..one day at a time.I wish you all the best life has to offer!How did you handle adulting? Let’s talk more in the comments, shall we?

EACH TEAR!

I’ve never really been an optimistic person.I don’t know why,wait I think I have an idea. I always feel like things just won’t work out,that the stars won’t align,that nothing nice will happen,that the pot will break at the doorstep and this has costed me a lot. Aloot. Thus is because IM SCARED OF THE FUTURE! Yes I’m afraid of caterpillars especially the green ones with thorns yikes!,of crawling animals and let’s just throw tequila in there…remember, key words, afraid! But when it comes to the future, I’m scared. Living in the moment HSS always been a hurdle for me,like yes,I’m happy today,but what about tomorrow, what about next week or next year,or ten years from now,will I still be happy? Class,this is where I went wrong!

” what are you doing after law school?” Sally asked me and I got shifty,and nervous,my leg started shaking and I tried to speak but a stanner was right at the tip of my tongue….

“Umm, I don’t know, I’m not sure I want to go to law school.”

“Wait,what? Why? What’s the point of studying law if you have no interest of practicing?”

“I’m scared Sally, what if I don’t graduate with the best honours? What if I actually do and go to KSL but then fail the bar exams? I’ll be disappointed and I don’t want that”

“But how sure are you that you’ll fail? Why are you so inclined on the negative love? I mean,what if you actually excel? Try to be positive,really. Where does all your negativity stem from? No offence but you are the most pessimistic person I’ve ever met.Why are you like this?”

For a moment I thought I was at a phschologists office. You know,those very sweet ladies and gentlemen whose work is to poke your brains trying to make you feel better at life and feel better about yourself? Those with air conditioned rooms,well arranged desks with a vanilla scented candle which apparently makes someone relax enough to spill all the secrets,all in the insecurities. But then again, I’m a black woman, we don’t go to therapy,that’s for white folks!

“I’m not a pessimist ,how dare you?”

“That ain’t enough,you are not giving me enough Trizah. Getting half of you ain’t enough! I’m gonna sit here until you decide you are ready to talk.” I fidget again,and start scratching at my arm because I do that when im cornered.

“So we are doing this? You are actually trying to crack me? Are you a shrink?”

Talk!”

Wow ok

I’m just scared sally! I’m scared of the unknown. The thought of me not being able to achieve all of my dreams is too scary. I’ve been here before.I was index 1 in highschool sally, I was very bright, I didnt even try.But do you know what happened in the final exams? I failed,terribly and I became a laughing stock! I was a straight A student but I got a C. I didn’t see that coming! I was disappointed in myself and from then ,I decided that it doesn’t matter how good things are today,how happy I am because all that can be taken away in a second! I don’t want to be hopeful anymore! I don’t even for a second like to think that it will all be fine at the end! Every time I get close to achieving NY dream,something goes wrong and it breaks my heart and I’m right back to where I started. I love writing,but when was the last time you saw me post an article? Bet you can’t remember.I have the worst case of the writers block syndrome, and remember writing is my passion! If its become hard for me to pursue my passion,tell me,how aim I supposed to pursue anything at all,especially Law, something I was pushed into.So tell me madam shrink? Don’t I have the right to not be pessimistic?Haven’t I earned the right to be scared of what the future holds? Don’t answer that, because I think I have. I can’t afford the to be happy todsy if its not going to last.”

The silence that followed was defeaning! He just took out his phone and calmly said,” let me play you a sing love, it will tell you everything I want you to hear ”

Sarcastically, “wow so you are a next level shrink huh? Playing me music? Wow,ok you can as well play me Wamlambez! Wait,can you actually play that sovwe take a break from all this seriousness? I’m tired”

He played the song ‘each tear’ by Mary J Blidge ft Jay Sean and it hit me. I guess that was exactly what I needed to hear and he was right.”

“Everynight there is one thing that I do,i bow my head and i pray for you,coz the last thing that I want, is for you to fall apart,your future will be clearer and I want you to remember,,,In each tear,there’s a lesson ,makes you wiser bfr ,makes you stronger than you know.Each tear,brings you closer to your dreams.No mistake ,no heartbreak can take away what you are meant to be! You are much more than the struggle that you go through,you are not defined by your pain soblet it go,you are not a victim ,you are more like a winner ,and you are not in defeat ,you are a more like a queen.”

I had a breakdown! As in a mega-super breakdown where I found myself on the floor crying uncontrollably because I waa on apath doing not what I wanted to do,but what I had been told to do with my life . I knew it was not what what I wanted and every time someone had asje why I did it anyway , “its complicated” that’s what I always said.

GHOSTS? NO WAY.

I’ve woken up to write these because I am too scared to sleep. Every time I try to close my eyes, all I can hear is that narrators voice. I’m sure you are wondering what narrator I’m talking about,well, I was on YouTube earlier today watching some videos,I really don’t know how I found myself clicking on a video with the title,”Paranormal activities caught on camera!’ This title is creepy enough to scare someone,but I decided to watch it anyway. Normally, I’m not one of those people who love watching this creepy YouTube conspiracy theories. I stay away from them like a bad disease, Ebola to be exact. The only thing this videos manage to do is scare someone,they can make you doubt your entire existence and even convince you the world is ending tomorrow. They’ll make you go to church, repent all your sins and if you are a very weak soul, some of those videos may just convince you to give out all your properties and live in the streets because as they say,’real reaches are stored in heaven,not earth.’ You don’t believe me? Try watching the video “proof the world is about to end.”

Anyway, I clicked on the video about paranormal activities and immediately regretted it. Oh wait, for those who are not following,I forgot to elaborate on the phrase ‘paranormal’,my bad. It refers to things that science cannot explain,like mystic powers, clairvoyance and even ghosts. On this particular video, the narrator was talking about and actually showing ghosts that were caught on camera,that is in photos and videos. Wow! Woow! Who knew ghosts can be captured by a photographers lens. Like seriously? Aren’t they supposed to be invisible? The narrator was so sure of what he was saying, you know pointing at the ghosts on the photos and in the videos. I’m not sure if they were really there or if my mind really just wanted them to be there. I was so scared and you know with this videos it’s really hard for one to stop watching. It’s terrifying you,you know you want to stop but then again you still want to watch so you just keep going and going until you start seeing and hearing things. After the video came to an end, the next one was about time travellers, *shakes in fear*. We will discuss time travellers next time but today,lets talk about ghosts.

Do you believe in ghosts? Or ,let me rephrase that, have you ever seen a ghost? Well,I have never seen one and I’m not planning on seeing one. It’s not on my bucket list. I personally have never met anyone who comes out clearly to say they have seen a ghost ,ever! People are always like, “ooh,my aunt saw a ghost”or “my distant cousin saw one too” “my stepmother used to live in a haunted house,with ghosts!” I never met with that aunt,or cousin or stepmother to actually confirm the stories.

There is this one time my best friend Shad and I were hanging out at his place,drinking wine and we were watching some horror movie whereby some kids were playing with an ouija board and accidentally summoned some ancient spirits/ghosts. I don’t think the spirits were very happy to be summoned. I think they were woken from their afternoon nap because,boy,those were very angry spirits. My dear people,never summon things that don’t want to be summoned. You should at least consult first,plus some of you should stop waking people from their afternoon nap.

Shad and I decided to do our own summoning because as it turns out,this guy has an ouija board! I mean,what are the odds? Right? What are the odds that someone actually owns an ouija board? We took the board ,placed it on the table and did all the things we saw the kids in the movie do. We wanted to summon geniuses, Einstein to be specific. We were hoping he would instill his knowledge in us if we succeeded,and pythagoras would be next then maybe Medusa(I’m not sure why we needed Medusa). We muttered the exact things the kids had,, ‘ooh Einstein, we call upon thee, we children of….” Well,nothing happened,so we decided to change tact and summon him in Latin language. Why Latin? If you’ve noticed in most witch movies , spirits are summoned in Latin or some language that sounds like Latin? We assumed that’s the only language spoken in spirit world. It still didnt work. We were not disappointed though,quite the opposite,we were kind of relieved because can you imagine if it had actually worked and we had a room full of ancient and angry spirits all to ourselves?? God forbid..*makes the sign of the cross.”

Do you believe in ghosts? Ever seen one? Lets share in the comment section.

Randomthoughts❤

“THE PROPER WOMAN?”

I was having dinner with this guy I was kind of going out with and we were talking about women empowerment and he made some chauvinistic comment I didn’t like at all. He said that we women of “nowadays,(whatever that means) ,once we get an education and a job,we think we are superior than men not knowing that we won’t get husbands because of it. Wow! Ever heard anything more shallow or chauvinistic? Before I go on, I’m sure it would please you to know that I am not seeing him anymore!

Anyway, who told people that women’s ultimate goal is to get a husband? Is it written anywhere that getting married is an achievement? Before we continue,I’d like to share something with you. I talked to two ladies on their views on marriage and this is what they had to say;Lets start with CLAIRE ;;

“In my point of view,I think marriage is important but not a necessity,for a balance of nature one needs a companion,a soul mate ,your soul mate can be a man or a woman .a husband is not that of a necessity since you can choose one who will drain your ass out and make your life a living hell ,I don’t think having a husband is all that important but getting a soulmate who you can travel the world with and achieve your dreams together is all that matters

Then finally I talked to MAUREEN GACHERI and these were her sentiments ;

“Well, I think I want a family, but marriage to me is Not really a priority. But I don’t really wanna be alone, like I want someone to gossip my kids with, even if he is just the father of my kids and we not married . I think a child would complete me more than a husband.”

I am so over chauvinistic comments and all the unrealistic expectations placed on the shoulders of a modern woman. Its like a woman can’t even have some little fun anymore,drink,smoke or go out in peace because of some shallow souls out here who are always going on about how,” a woman who drinks,smokes or goes out will never get a husband?? Really?? First of all, why do we view marriage as a podium of success where a woman gets a trophy to validate how “woman enough” she is. Why do we look at marriage as an award to declare how successful a woman is? This is very backward and primitive. A proper woman in the African tradition has always been imagined within the context of the family. She is expected to accept marriage and have children because marriage is assumed to be the end goal for most African women. The only thing she is supposed to be concerned about is her family and children,nothing more. She is not supposed to be too educated and if she is,the is not “African enough” RIDICULOUS!

I’ve seen instances where some tribes men advice their sons not to marry a woman who is too educated,a woman who is woke! Simply because the educated/woke woman is less susceptible to manipulation is ‘hard headed’ and would “sit” on the man. This does not make sense. Personally,I believe that a man who has a secure sense of masculinity has no issues going for a woman who is more educated, a woman who earns more, a woman who is empowered.

To a woke modern woman, a husband is just a bonus and I’d like to reiterate the fact that,For some of us, getting a husband/marriage is not the ultimate goal in life! We want to get our PhDs, travel the world and have fun while at it. STAY WOKE ladies. Lets continue the discussion in the comment section ,thank you.

Randomthoughts ❤

CAMPUS IS A TRAP!

Seriously, is it just my campus life that is boring or is it like that for everyone? I’ve refused to accept the fact that campus is not all parties ,freedom and fun as people have always made it out to be. I thought it would be like in campus TV shows, but it is nothing like that, not even close, or maybe it’s my school that is just not fun.

My younger brother finished high school last year and he was so excited, even more than I was. He didn’t give us breathing space, but to be fair, his highschool experience was hell so I kind of get why he was so ecstatic. He wanted to join campus so bad. He couldn’t wait. I’m his mind, he had pictured University as a heaven of some sort and I had to give him a reality check. Let’s get right into it..

So, let’s be honest, most people are thrilled on the idea of joining campus because of the freedom that comes with it. Personally, throughout my highschool life, I never had any freedom whatsoever. No sleepovers, no night outs, no day outs,not even night vigils people! I couldn’t even go to church at night! CHURCH! My parents were (they still are) very strict and my dad would call me to pass him the television remote every five minutes just to make sure I was around. I craved freedom and oh, I got it when I joined campus but the excitement was short lived. Believe me, too much freedom is boring. you’ll eventually get tired of being able to do whatever or go wherever without anyone trying to stop you. I kind of miss restrictions, that is where the thrill is. I mean, if I want to do something like go out at night and their is no one to try and stop me, what’s the point really? What is the point. I’d rather just sleep in then. Plus too much freedom can be dangerous too if you can’t control yourself, you may end up messing up, big time.

We were all told how campus life is easy, how you can do whatever you want and get away with it, how you don’t have to attend classes or even write notes but what they forget to tell us is that their is a catch! It’s a trap. OK fine, yes you can carry your phone to class (but keep it silent and don’t use it when a lecture is on going ). What’s the point, you can as well just leave it home.

You can bunk classes, no one will stop you(but make sure your attendance is at 75%) In as much as no one will stop you if you want to miss classes, you will sure as hell pay for it so just go to school dear!

You can choose not to study at all,fine (but just as long as you pass.) You obviously cannot pass without studying so this is not even an option at all.

If you ask me, my highschool was much better than my campus life, way more fun especially because of all courses, I decided to take up law. Here there are no choices, it’s either you study or you study, period. You can’t even go out in peace and have fun because the many assignments. I’m not trying to scare anyone though,campus is fun yes, but it’s not all that, their is just as much reading as in highschool, if not more.

How was your campus experience, let’s share in the comment section.

Randomthoughts ❤

BABIES!

Is the whole ‘your maternal instinct will kick in one day’ thing real?

I ask this as a 21 year old female who absolutely does not want children. Not now, not ever. Its not just that Im afraid of babies and quitely hate it when people try to hand me their little babies to hold.I honestly never know what to do with babies and I’m always very awkward around them. By the way I’m kind of repulsed by the idea of something growing inside me, I don’t know why.

When I imagine my future, I never see myself with children or grandchildren,maybe just a husband.Every time I say this to people all they do is give me weird looks and say ‘wait until your maternal instincts kick in. ‘ and also ask “who will take care of you when you are old? “ Everyone tries to make me feel as if there is something wrong with me because I do not want to have kids. Its also seen as something selfish but I see it as being responsible. See, having children is a huge commitment and if you don’t feel you want them, you’re a better person for not having them.

Just today, I asked a very close friend of mine (hey Angie..) if she would like to have babies in the future and her anseer was an undisputed yes. Then I asked her why and she tells me she only wants to have babies because people have babies and it’s what is supposed to happen. Wow, I laughed hard, we both did. There is nothing wrong with her answer, I mean, isnt that why most people want to have babies,so they can multiply and fill the world? Come on, isnt the world full yet? Im sorry but I think that is kind of twisted.

Its not bad to want babies, its a really nice thing. Just let your reason for wanting one be more than just the need to fill the world.

Some people will just never want kids though, its not a big deal. I feel really privileged to be living somewhere where motherhood is a choice and not just the default.

what are your views on this baby issue.Lets share in the comment section.

Randomthoughts ❤

2018 IN A NUTSHELL!

2018!*sighs* It has been a crazy one,an emotional rollercoaster full of ups and downs. This has been the toughest year yet, for me, I don’t know about you. Lets review my year bit by bit, grab a strong drink ,most probably a vodka!

First, let’s talk about my 2018 RESOLUTIONS. For most people, if not all, the advent of a new year means big promises to take big steps towards achieving dreams, or changing some aspects of our lives. Eleven months earlier I had scribbled out a list of goals for 2018, one of which was penned in bold at the very top:SOBRIETY! I wanted to stop drinking in 2018, to become sober, but whooa,it only became worse. Honestly, I don’t even think I tried to stop. It totally skipped my mind until a few days ago and now I’m totally rethinking this whole resolution thing. I mean, what is the point really? New year’s resolutions become faint memories as soon the festivities are over anyway.

Now on to the kind of RELATIONSHIPS I’ve had this year. Oh God! I’ve attracted the most toxic human beings this year. It’s like I have a high affinity to toxic people. I’m literally a magnet that keeps attracting toxic people . To be fair, I do have some toxic traits too, maybe to someone, I am the toxic one but still! Anyway, I’ve lost friends this year, many and it was partly my fault and it’s OK. And oh, I’ve been an emotional mess, actually cried the most this year,trust me,the tears I have she’d are enough to last me a lifetime,and it is OK.

SCHOOL!! Whooah,it has been tough this year. I think law school is another name for hell, seriously. This year, many things haven’t worked out academically, for a minute their, it had me doubting my potential,if I’d really make it through law school, If I’m smart enough for this career. Too many ‘ifs’right? I just hope it gets better next year.

Enough of the pity party! 2018 hasn’t been all bad. There were really good moments, I met some really nice people too and made new friends. I actually went for my first ever road trip with some really cool friends from my school. It was great! I actually think this is the highlight of my 2018.We visited so many beautiful places and it was mad fun. I’ll actually make a separate blog post for it soon. Below are some of the pictures from the trip.

Isn’t it crazy how we can look back a year ago and realize how much everything has changed? The amount of people that have left your life, entered, and stayed. The memories you won’t forget and the moments you wish you did. It’s crazy how all that happened in just a year. Personally, I don’t regret anything that has happened in 2018 because I’ve learned so many valuable lessons that have helped me grow. I’ve been knocked down so many times but I woke up each time, dusted off and moved on! I’ve learnt from my mistakes and bad choices,and most of all, I’ve learnt that tough times do not last forever and that it gets better. Maybe 2018 has been cruel at some point but 2019 is here, a chance to make it right, an opportunity to work on your dreams. Cheers to 2018! A year of lessons and growth!

I want to appreciate all of you my lovely readers. You are my motivation and I pray we all achieve our dreams come 2019. HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

What are some of your 2018 highlights? Let’s share in the comment section.

Randomthoughts ❤

MONEY OR PASSION?

Money or passion?

This is one of those seemingly endless questions everyone is asking these days.

I can definitely relate to this. I began growing up a passion for writing at a very young age,and I wanted to take up literature as a major in college because that is where my heart was,and still is…..but i didn’t. My parents were not for the idea. They didnt think writing would sustain me in life,put food on my table and pay bills. I remember my dad asking me, ” Assuming your career as an author takes off, how sure are you that your books will sell? What if no one wants to buy or read them? What will be your exit plan?” Ouch, those words were hurtful and discouraging but i knew they were coming from a place of love and concern. So I ended up in law school.Anyway, we are not here to talk about me so let’s just get right into today’s topic.

Getting paid for doing what you love, that’s the dream right? Well the situation is actually a little more complicated than that. Can you make a living doing what you love? Yes…and no. Let’s be honest, not every passion or every dream or everything you love to do has profit potential. Some dreams and some hobbies make lousy businesses, pardon my sarcasm. Sometimes i tend to think that, DO WHAT YOU LOVE is bad advice. If some of us were to do what we love, we’d just stay in bed,eat popcorn, Netflix and chill. Are we really sure that the best thing to do with passion is attempt to monetize it ? Why assume it is easier to turn passion into money than it is to turn money into passion? Do me a favour, please think about a passion you have then apply this test: WILL PEOPLE PAY YOU TO DO IT?

There are those who strongly believe that it is more important to follow passion first, no matter where it leads. To them money is not important, its not everything, it cannot buy happiness, they say. I respect that because at the end of the day, Choosing whether to chase a career because of money or passion is completely an individual choice and no one can take that away. We’ve all at some point seen a movie ,whereby there is this rich guy with all the luxuries in life but apparently he’s unhappy because he hates his job. So he leaves his multi million empire, goes to some island to fish(his passion) and now he is poorer but happier with a wonderful partner who is a perfect much…. wow. Let’s not forget that this is just fiction. We are in the 21st century, the economy is at its worst, and in as much as MONEY MAY NOT BUY HAPPINESS, IT IS VERY NECESSARY! And by the way, about money not buying happiness, it is debatable.

It is more practical to choose money then take up passion once one is comfortable with money and can afford a good living. If you work for money now, you will generally be in a better position to pursue your passion later on with no financial stress. Imagine being able to paint,sing or write and not worry about how to pay rent, this is my dream, reader, and maybe yours too..

What did you consider when choosing a career? What advice would you give to someone, Money or passion? Let’s share.

Randomthoughts ❤

TRAPPED?

“The grave yard is full of women who were told, ” just hold on he might change” “give him another chance”

The story below has been shared with the consent of those involved.

A few days ago, while in town running some few errands for my mum I ran into an old friend, a childhood friend.She is one hell of a talker so she went right into it,the village gossip and as she was talking,I noticed some bruises on her lower chin and neck. It was like she had been scratched by something,most probably nails,human nails just in case you are wondering. They were very conspicuous and her being a light skin didn’t help the situation. It really bothered me and for a minute there,I wanted to let it slide and just mind my own business, but no, I had to ask her and I did.

I asked her what had happened,and she answered me in Swahili, ” si ni chali yangu ndio alinipiga.” meaning,”its my boyfriend who did this to me.” I was surprised,and you know,she said it so casually,like it was a normal/usual thing and this shocked me even more. I asked her why she can’t walk out of the relationship and she told me something that has kept me thinking for quite some time.

DONT TELL ME HOW EASY IT IS TO WALK OUT OF AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP IF YOUVE NEVER BEEN IN ONE..…” These were her exact words.

Now, can someone in an abusive relationship just wake up one day and decide to leave? I don’t think it’s easy at all. When you are outside looking in, it seems so easy and that’s why every time we see a friend,a neighbour or even a colleague in an abusive relationship, the first thing we ask is ,”CANT SHE JUST LEAVE? CANT SHE JUST WALK AWAY AND LEAVE IT ALL BEHIND” Well, its not as easy as that,not even close. Ever thought that maybe they want to leave but they just cant?

Before we go any further let me clarify something. When i say abusive relationship, I’m not only referring to the physical abuse but also to verbal and emotional abuse because they are just as damaging. I mean,just because a person doesn’t put hands on you, that doesn’t mean they aren’t abusive. Abuse is control, blatant disrespect and also hurtful words. Don’t settle for emotional abuse thinking it’s ok because it’s not physical.

I think my friends words about leaving abusive relationships have made me look at this issue in a very different perspective and I think I kind of have an idea as to why people stay longer than they should in such relationships, and why it’s so hard to just wake up and leave. First,it’s really heartbreaking when someone you love and who claims to love you in equal measure disrespects you to the extent of laying a hand on you, insulting you and,or blackmailing you emotionally. This is the worst kind of betrayal. It hurts to watch something you love transform into something you should hate. Most victims just sit there in denial and wait for it to return to its original state as they ignore the fact that maybe their abuser will never change.

By the time the victim realizes that their abuser will never change, its always too late and at this point,the damage is already done. Ones self esteem,self confidence and self love is totally shuttered such that leaving becomes almost impossible and one finds himself/herself trapped in a web of abuse. The victim feels worthless, and afraid that if they leave the “relationship”, no one else would want or love them. It then becomes easier for the abuser to control and manipulate them because he/she knows they wont leave.We have all seen or heard what abusive relationships can do to someone. To be honest, I used to think that people in abusive relationships stayed because they wanted to but now I know it’s not their fault that they are trapped.

I just want to reach out to anyone out there who is stuck in an abusive relationship and trying to figure out how to break free. I know it is soo hard,,,I cant even begin to imagine or pretend to know how hard it is, BUT it is not impossible. Sometimes we refuse to see how bad something is until it completely destroys us. Please stop telling yourself that you can fix him. You can never save someone by letting them destroy you. Save yourself instead and get out while there is still time. It’s better to break your own heart by leaving an abusive relationship rather than having that person break your heart everyday.

Darling,you are allowed to terminate toxic/abusive relationships. You are allowed to walk away and take care of yourself. Welcome to the rest of your life and hopefully your next one will treat you a million times better. Sending so much love your way right now.

Ever been in an abusive relationship? Lets share in the comments.

Randomthoughts❤

HONEY, LOVE YOURSELF FIRST..

You see you had a lot of crooks try to steal your heart, Never really had luck, couldn’t never figure out how to love. See you had a lot of moments that didnt last forever. Now you in this corner tryna put it together ,how to love. “

LIL WAYNE

Listened to this song again,‘HOW TO LOVE” by LIL WAYNE today and it got me thinking why we have so many years of education and yet nobody ever taught us how to love ourselves and why it’s so important. Ever thought about that? Maybe it is just not in society’s best interest to teach us to love ourselves but rather to tell us what we deserve. This is because when we start to love ourselves we would know that we deserve more and would advocate for better. We wouldn’t put up with abusive relationships, toxic friends who constantly put us down and please allow me to throw trashy TV shows and over cooked spinach in there. When we learn to love ourselves, we become fearless individuals but no, society doesn’t need that. All it needs is a people who are broken from the inside and fit into the system without making trouble.

Personally, I never learned how to love myself at an early age and I wish I did. To be honest I suffered from low self esteem for a very long time. I just didn’t think I was good enough,smart or pretty enough. I constantly wanted to be like other people. This caused a strain on both my personal and social life. I had myself convinced that if I had a solid group of best friends and a boyfriend then I was worth something. I ended up attracting toxic friends and abusive men in my life who preyed on my insecurities. All this broke me and it made me think that I didnt deserve to be treated right.

It took me 5 years to learn that I have to be the one to love myself and to really understand the importance of it. I wasn’t going to sit around waiting for someone to teach me. I had to do it myself by putting myself first ,my happiness,goals and dreams before anything else. I became more confident in my body, skin and colour and trust me,things got better and my life got on track again.

DON’T EVER PUT YOURSELF DOWN AND NEVER EVER LET ANYONE PUT YOU DOWN. You are beautiful just the way you are and believe me that body is perfect. I know how hard it is to feel confident and good enough but it is possible. No one can love you better than you darling and no one is ever going to teach you that. You’ll have to do it yourself. There is nothing better than a man or woman who walks with confidence knowing that they are good enough and that they deserve the very best life has to offer.what if you simply devoted this year to loving yourself more?

Ever struggled with Self esteem issues? Let’s share in the comment section.

Randomthoughts ❤